A “meltdown” is an intense emotional and behavioral response to an overwhelming situation. Metldowns differ from tantrums in that they are not due to the child being manipulative or poorly disciplined. Meltdowns are often the result of the situational demand exceeding the person’s current skill set in that moment.
Meltdowns can be physically and emotionally draining for everyone involved.
Let’s talk about strategies and tips for helping an autistic person through a meltdown.
Some general dos and don’ts:
DON’T: yell, talk over the person, argue, tell them to stop or calm down.
Most people, children especially, cannot reason in an extremely heightened emotional state.
DO: speak at a normal or lowered volume, give choices, and give increased personal space (if it’s safe).
Priority number one is always to make sure the person having the meltdown and others are not in any physical danger.
Next, try and give the person as much privacy as possible. This may look like getting the person to a private room, bathroom, or less occupied space.
We can’t control when a meltdown happens, and when they do, they are never our proudest moments. Giving us as much privacy as possible perseveres our dignity in those challenging situations. Having privacy, especially during these times becomes increasingly important as autistic people get older.
You can comfort the person by letting them know you’re available to assist. Be clear in what assistance you are able to provide.
Example: “I’m here to help if you need me. It looks like it might be too loud in here, I can take a walk with you, or I can bring you headphones.”
You may need to allow the person some extra time to give you a response.
Tell the person what their options are.
Example: “I understand that you’re upset about the bakery closing early today, that really stinks. Right now, our options are to get cookies from the grocery store, or we can make some together at home.”
You may need to wait (possibly an inconvenient amount of time) for the person to be calm enough to make a new choice, move on, or be able to problem solve.
Sometimes the only thing you can do is provide the options and wait until the person has calmed down enough to make a decision and/or move on with their day. After they are completely calm and the incident is over, that could be a good time to talk with them about what happened, and what could be done differently next time.
Remember that you can’t problem solve when a person is in crisis. A person having a meltdown isn’t giving you a hard time, they’re having a hard time.